wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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