My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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