First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
