As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
