do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
