Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
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Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?