So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.