but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask