When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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