You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
