I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
