Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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