I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
