no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
