it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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