I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
