My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
