She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
