Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
