just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize