You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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