are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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