apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
