Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
one two three fourrrrnication!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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