Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
