Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
