She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
