I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
