my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
