Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
