The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
