Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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