She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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