After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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