even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
