am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
