he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
