I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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