Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
