My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
