I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its liver damage thursday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
