Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
