god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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