Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
