Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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