Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
