While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
