I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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