My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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