Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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