I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
