my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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