Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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