sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
