Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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