His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
