allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
