i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
