Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
