Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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