I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
